Competition

My main weaknesses is ME
My core strength is ME ..
Therefore, I must learn to balance my principle ...

I most hate ME
and I love ME too much
Therefore, I must place myself second to others ...


ME represents perfection
and most imperfection reflects ME
Therefore, I must push myself to be humble ...

My best friend is ME
My worst enemy is ME
Therefore, I must look for guidance ...

I never walk alone ...
because if I walk alone .. I will lose my path ...

So I challenge myself with the best competitor I can find
and this competitor is
ME ....

For I could never be able to walk in ALLAH's earth steadfast in principle,humbled, guided if I don't put the worst of me in front ..

Can't sleep again ...

Darn, its almost 3:00 am .. my brain feels tired .. but my eyes refuse to follow natures automatic response to night time .. darn darn darn ..

I am gonna feel like a zombire tomorrow morning ... *sigh* ...

Missed my fitness session this week .. because I have to finish my working paper ... how I wish people with power are more consistent with their words ...

I really wonder what am I exactly doing with my life ..??

Have I allowed things and events and emotions to pass by me without taking opportunity thats been 'offered' and again blaming things that doesn't happened as 'not-fated' .. urgh .. I still dare not jump into that bandwagon of uncertainties that you will always find when you enter into the 'relationship' path ... nope ... not yet ...

jeeps ... am I such a loser ... news flash .. I AM NOT A LOSER ... not gonna let anything or any one put me down .. muahahahah ... hey I like what I see in the mirror ... with all the imperfection .... because I am a 'beautiful' soul .. because I do not allow myself to sell short with coldness, selfishness and arrogance ... I find there are people whom are good at that .. they feed their ego and self-proclaimed worthiness by 'pointing out and looking down .. slow, unfocus, people like me' .. news flash .. my conscious are 'clean & clear' compared to them whom exalted from others weaknesses ... gosh .. why should I worry myself about their existence .. its either them or me to take that role in life .. and I'm glad its not me ...

Darn .. got to force this eyes to sleep .. eyes sleep .. coz the body and the brain needs it terribly ... eyes please please please sleep

Its a sad day ...

There are days for hellos and goodbyes ... and for the thousandth times in my life I have to say goodbye again ...

Something that never has the chance to begins ends ... whatever ... life goes on ...
and yet why do i am i holding back these tears of mine ...

Some things are better left hidden and unknown ...

a new year .. a new beginning ..???

I wrote this in 2006 .... my lowest point ever ...

I have let a few months passed by .. without adding a single alphabet in this blog ...

Life for the past 6-months has been a nice comfortable ride ... a bump here there ... but no bruises experience this time ...

My parents went for pilgrimage for 42-days ... weeks that I've spent with much thinking done ...

That the day I dread most arrived .. Valentine .. and it washes me with memories and wishful thinking ...

I have got over my lossess ... but I fear the uncertainties of my future ...

I've put aside these for far too long and now there's no more corner to turn to but face the truth ..

This March, I will be 38 years old .. and looking back and the list of achievements and lost opportunities ... waliao ... lost opportunities dominated ...

My mom returned for the Holy Land with so much hopes to a change in me ... and how I so so so wish to be able to fulfill them ...

What are my fear ...

rejection
dissappointment
weak
emotional dependencies
low purchasing power

I feel claustraphobic ... not because I accidentally enter an enclosed walls ...
I feel claustraphobic because of this tight enclosure I felt in my heart ..

Try as I might .. I can't force myself to be chirpy any more ... it felt .. pointless ...

I yearn to feel secure of having someone to lean to ...
I yearn to feel again that comfort feel that I can reach out to someone that one call one's love ...
I yearn to feel safe, to love and be loved ...
Yet I can't trust my own emotions ... fear that it could be misguided or misplaced ...
Because I do feel too delicate now ... to go throught any more dissappointments ...
I am soooo tired .. and sooo insecure ... and so afraid ... and so uncertain ...
I am such a coward ... and I can't see the light at the end of the road to lead me out of this misery ...

All I can do is cry at night and smile during the day ..
And yet I yearn and yearn and yearn ... in fear ....

Somebody ... help me ...

A New Beginning ..???

Haaaaiiiiiii .... missus you all .... I have so many things to share .... where do I begin ..???

My parents will be doing their pilgrimage to the holy land this year ... many thanks to everybody that loves them and prayed for their journey. Of coz I cant forget the man that make my parents dream comes true ... Abe Yeng .. hehehe .. it iz wunderful to see them happy and looking forward to this journey of a life time.

For me, started a new job .. evrything looks fresh and new ...

I find solace at this new place .. see ya all later

in any other name .. it remains the same

When I choose to rename my blog and choose to spell the word rose as rozse, I thought I was creating a unique spelling to the name. How wrong I was.

I coined the spelling combining the word roz (Choe-y spelled it as such while we chat via YM) with the word rose. Today out of curiosity I typed the word rozse into google search field and viola.. a few search result appears. What interest me most is to find that there is a well known mathematician by the name of Rozse Peter and the word is spelled as such in countries like Hungary and Czhech ...

What is in a name ... everything ... whether we like it or not ... our name do depict us in meanings and personalities ... but it depends on how each of us wish to interpret it to our preferences ...

Ros I am and the Ros as I was chosen,
Native to the wild, fear not my sharp little thorn,
Rose of the Ring of Warriors, the one and only,
Over the Sahara I shall end, my life-long journey

Skin Deep

In times of trouble, I call upon YOU
For only YOU knows what’s hidden in this mind
And YOU soothe my anxieties ...

YOU have shown Your Mercifulness and Your Kindness
For YOU have been fair and YOU have been thorough


In all your creation, it is man that YOU have honoured
With the highest position as the ultimate leaders of living beings

Yet, it is man, that easily forgets his sworn of loving YOU
In every essence …

Forlorn to you, O men who choose to forget
Be warn, ye men who choose to ignore
When you close an eye to truths
The lies that you chose to accept
Will embalm you in the darkness
So be weary and be wise

O Almighty, May your Utmost Mercifulness befall onto me
For I need Your Guidance … Your Kindness
Let me be of worth to my fellow man and Thee

Life is not worth living without YOUR UTMOST BENEFICENT

I know what I did last mega-sale adventure...

An ole dilemma that a woman have to face and had somehow managed to successfully inherit it down the next generation of women ... no matter what new technology these femme fatale will fall under ... the dilemma of ... to buy or not to buy ... will stay ...

Yezzz ... Mega Sale is back (as if there's no other sale happening throughout the year-lah) ... and Malaysia is on sale ... (i dunno why no one tried to correct the grammar-lah ... but when I read this the first time, I thought the government has gone crazy and try to sell the land, people and whatever that makes me proud to say I'm Malaysian ... khih khih khih ... enuff of this patriotism ... hey I spell that correctly) ...

Well my mega-sale adventure starts like 3 months ago ... lets see where do we start ... oh of coz the boots, it has the just the right heel heights (since I definitely can't grow any taller, I improvised .. :D) , than ... oooh ... i just have to have it, first time to have a bracelet watch - all this time it has always been leather straps, than the spectacles ... and now everything seems clearer to me (omigosh ... those things were portholes ..!!!), those healing crystal bangles (positive aura for positive minds), don't forget those parfums for sis & mom (the century-ole connection of scents and sensibilities), those cherry-flavor lip-gloss tastes fun, and I definitely need those springy scholl ... walking in malls even for just window shopping can still a gruelling exercise .. not to mention cruel to the feet, but to be a smart consumer I must make sure I survey the items for the best price available ... but if I happen to overspend ... hey ... nothing can truly measure the feel of satisfaction of getting what you want ...

Oooh ... the shopping list can go stretch more than a mile and if I continue to reveal ... I might just spoil my own appetite to shopping irrationally for a decade ... so lets put a brake to it ...

I got to applaud the person who coin the word ... shopping therapy ... coz it definitely works for me ... some of things I bought costs me only RM5/- ... but the activities of being able to choose and make decision without feeling any guilt or remorse later ... makes it all worth it ... I love being a woman .. khih khih khih ...

From what I've listed above ... only two group items falls as a must ... the spectacles (to choose, you got to see your choice, read the comparisons before weighing the final decision to purchase) ... and the parfums for sis & mom (it's their birthday and they deserve it .. and should actually got more than that) ...

the logical must have - the watch - and although I know I can't change, stop or forward time, I could always keep track of it ... khih khih khih .. and Choey chose it for me .. so the watch now double as an irreplaceable and practical momentos of events ... :D

whims purchase - the lip gloss, the bangles, the boots, the scholl + 20 more items that I feel will make you turn blue with wonder ... :D .. so lets keep it that way ..

Yezzz .. I will still feel the pinch of spending .. but woman & shopping bags ... thats what makes the world economy as it is today ... if not because of this undying, sophisticated, complicated and mind-boggling adrenalin-pump activities of a powerful purchase-power of a woman ... all of us will be out of jobs ... :D ...

FRESH NEW START ...

Dear frenz,

August 2005 .. marks the 47th-year of our nation's independence from the British Empire ...

It was 47 years ago ... that our first Prime Minister .. our "Bapa Merdeka" ... Allahyarham Tuanku Abdul Rahman Al-Haj .. shout the words ... that fills each heart with mix feeling of joy, sadness, fear & pride ... for the word symbolizes the return of what has been lost for more than 400 years ...

MERDEKA !!! MERDEKA !!! MERDEKA !!!

Each of us will have our own interpretation what freedom means to us.

Our life experience, our culture, our faith, our upbringing, our friends and our own personality traits will shape the meaning and the understanding of the word freedom to us.

Whatever freedom means to you my frenz, whichever dimension or perspective you view it ... the most important thing of all is for each of us to cherish it, appreciate it, celebrate it, enjoy it ... and share it with others ...

If you notice, I've deleted my previous postings, because I want to start fresh and celebrate the new meaning of freedom to me ...

The freedom to live life ... to still be alive and live it to the fullest ... to live it and share it with others whom cares for me sincerely ... and vice versa ...

But I also need to remind myself ... that there's a limitation to the definition of freedom that I enjoy ... and the limitation is TIME ... where history has prove no one man have the power to stop, delay or speed up time ...

And it is TIME that has given me the freedom to choose ... to prioritize, to enjoy, to heal ... in this journey of life.


Dare to venture into the woods nightime and return by daytime,
In the woods you will learn the daintiness of the rock and the strength of the petals